Mary Canaan called me Monday night. You know how it is when years later you try to have a conversation with somebody you were once close to - the awkwardness, the uncomfortable silences. Forty years ago, we were best buddies, Mary and I. And while it is unlikely that we will ever be best buddies again, we chatted away for an hour or so without pause. Of course, catching up after forty years gives us a lot to talk about, but the trust we shared back then was still solid.
I came away smiling clear down to my toenails. More than my own joy at finally finding and reconnecting with my little friend, I seem to have brought a great deal of joy to Mary and all of her brothers and sisters. Mary was in tears when she first realized that it was really me sending her messages through Facebook. She has been greedily absorbing all of the memories of that time that I provide. There is no joy greater than giving joy to someone you care about. The Canaan family was pretty much all I cared about during those two years. Evidently I still do.
Years before the term "clinical depression" came into vogue, I had it. From 1966 until 1977 there was a perpetual dark cloud over my life. My association with the Canaan family was the bright spot in my life. Leo loved me like a son and trusted me completely. His wife Norma liked me and trusted me as well. They seemed to naturally involve me in the life of the family. Leo always included me in his big plans for the West Virginia venture. The kids also seemed to accept my intrusion into their world, and Danny and Mary were my special friends. I spent quite a bit of time with each of them.
For four decades I've lived with the fact that in November of 1973 I slunk away from the best part of my life. The Canaans were my life back then.They gave me a shining light of love and hope when the rest of my world was so dark and gloomy. And after the end, I sank down into a deep dark hole that only got darker and deeper for the next three years.
It's a good, healing thing to be able to radiate some joy around those memories. Thank you, Mary. And thank you, Leo, wherever you are.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Canaan Update
The previous post was for my young friend Mary. I was pretty sure that the Mary Canaan I enearthed on Facebook was "the real" Mary Canaan, but I wasn't absolutely certain. I wrote that entry, posted a picture of her father, and included a link to Cat Juggler in a message through FB. Not being sure whether she would retain any memory of me, I included just a few essential facts regarding my association with her family from the autumn of 1971 through the autumn of 1973, to see if this might jog her memory.
As it turned out, when she finslly - weeks later - saw my several messages, she was flabberghasted. She and her brothers and sisters DO remember me, and have often spoken of me, wondering whatever happened to me. They were thinking I must have died, because I disappeared so suddenly and so completely. She says she was very sad when her friend went away.
My closest association was with Leo himself. Many of my Montgomery Ward friends couldn't believe that 18-year-old I enjoyed the company of 45-year-old Leo. I hung out with him at the restaurant nearly every evening of my life during those two years, helping out when needed, and listening to his big plans. It started out with plans to rent the adjacent stores in the building, knock down the walls and turn Leo's into a classy restaurant. Then he bought the place in Charmco, Wesr Virginia, and the big plans got bigger.
When my bosses at Montgomery Ward were dealing with the closing of the old Coffee Shop in the corner of the store, to be replaced by the new Buffeteria in the opposite corner, they had all of the old equipment to dispose of. They asked me if I thought Leo would be interested in it. I asked. He was. They sold him about ten thousand dollars worth of stainless steel restaurant equipment for $200.00 if he would haul it away. The one time I went with the family to Charmco was to help load, haul and install some of the "new" equipment in the restaurant down there.
Thirteen-year-old Danny and I were pretty good buddies as well. We went bike riding, played pool at the pool hall, went fishing once. This would be on Saturdays, when Norma and Paula were also working the restaurant, and the kids were bored. The most helpful thing I could do was to entertain kids.
Paula was seventeen, and daytime manager/chief cook and bottle washer at Leo's. I had the feeling that she didn't like me much. We had no connection anything like what I shared with her dad. Donna was eleven or so, and somehow, we never really hit it off. David was two. Nuff said.
But my best friend, and hardest for the Wards crowd to wrap their heads around, was seven-year-old Mary. We drew pictures and colored together. We went for walks around the block, played hopscotch and jacks. Once, when the carnival was in town a couple of blocks away from the restaurant, and the parents were too busy to take her, I volunteered. Leo and Norma were delighted, gave her five bucks, and away we went. That memory warms my heart, thinking of the fun we had, and the trust we shared.
I regret the fact that when Leo and I had our disagreement, I slunk away and just disappeared. In hindsight, I realize that we could have mended that bridge and gone on, but I was hurt and embarrassed and unwilling to face him. As much as I missed the Canaan family, my shame won the day in my heart. Coward.
Anyway, suddenly I'm back in touch. Leo and his wife Norma both passed back in the nineties, but the rest of them are very close and evidently talk about me sometimes. Suddenly, they have a lot to talk about!
As it turned out, when she finslly - weeks later - saw my several messages, she was flabberghasted. She and her brothers and sisters DO remember me, and have often spoken of me, wondering whatever happened to me. They were thinking I must have died, because I disappeared so suddenly and so completely. She says she was very sad when her friend went away.
My closest association was with Leo himself. Many of my Montgomery Ward friends couldn't believe that 18-year-old I enjoyed the company of 45-year-old Leo. I hung out with him at the restaurant nearly every evening of my life during those two years, helping out when needed, and listening to his big plans. It started out with plans to rent the adjacent stores in the building, knock down the walls and turn Leo's into a classy restaurant. Then he bought the place in Charmco, Wesr Virginia, and the big plans got bigger.
When my bosses at Montgomery Ward were dealing with the closing of the old Coffee Shop in the corner of the store, to be replaced by the new Buffeteria in the opposite corner, they had all of the old equipment to dispose of. They asked me if I thought Leo would be interested in it. I asked. He was. They sold him about ten thousand dollars worth of stainless steel restaurant equipment for $200.00 if he would haul it away. The one time I went with the family to Charmco was to help load, haul and install some of the "new" equipment in the restaurant down there.
Thirteen-year-old Danny and I were pretty good buddies as well. We went bike riding, played pool at the pool hall, went fishing once. This would be on Saturdays, when Norma and Paula were also working the restaurant, and the kids were bored. The most helpful thing I could do was to entertain kids.
Paula was seventeen, and daytime manager/chief cook and bottle washer at Leo's. I had the feeling that she didn't like me much. We had no connection anything like what I shared with her dad. Donna was eleven or so, and somehow, we never really hit it off. David was two. Nuff said.
But my best friend, and hardest for the Wards crowd to wrap their heads around, was seven-year-old Mary. We drew pictures and colored together. We went for walks around the block, played hopscotch and jacks. Once, when the carnival was in town a couple of blocks away from the restaurant, and the parents were too busy to take her, I volunteered. Leo and Norma were delighted, gave her five bucks, and away we went. That memory warms my heart, thinking of the fun we had, and the trust we shared.
I regret the fact that when Leo and I had our disagreement, I slunk away and just disappeared. In hindsight, I realize that we could have mended that bridge and gone on, but I was hurt and embarrassed and unwilling to face him. As much as I missed the Canaan family, my shame won the day in my heart. Coward.
Anyway, suddenly I'm back in touch. Leo and his wife Norma both passed back in the nineties, but the rest of them are very close and evidently talk about me sometimes. Suddenly, they have a lot to talk about!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Twists And Turns
Every now and again I get caught up in wondering how different my life might have been if certain turning points had turned a different direction. The first and biggest one I wonder about occurred in 1968, when my parents decided to move us from Odenton, Maryland to Vero Beach, Florida during the summer. Many things would have been a lot different. Better? No telling. Different, definitely. By the end of ninth grade, I had made a name for myself as a photographer, with my own darkroom and growing expertise. Those in charge of the yearbook informed me that I would be a staff photographer during my last three years of high school. Also, I was a good football player, and I'm pretty sure I would have made the Arundel High School team. Instead, I was moved to a place where I knew nobody, had no history or credibility, and the weather was way too hot to think about donning a football uniform.
The second one kind of grabbed me this past week. After graduation from high school in 1971, I moved back to Maryland and before long was working in the Display Department of the Montgomery Ward store in Glen Burnie. I lived near a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant called "Leo's Sub Stop," where I became friendly with Leo and the whole Canaan family. I was a big help to Leo, and when he bought a restaurant in Charmco, West Virginia, he always included me in his big plans for the place. He envisioned a hotel, a putt putt course, an arcade, a gift shop...But things got off track between us, we had a falling out, and that was the end of that. Recently I've been looking up Canaans, trying to find out whatever happened to Leo, Norma, Paula, Danny, Donna, Mary and David. I haven't learned much, but it appears that Leo's extravagant plans never came to fruition, at least not the Disneyesque venture he had drawn on the napkins of Leo's Sub Stop.
So perhaps I would have stuck with my family away from family for some time, and perhaps not. All I can say with certainty is that it doesn't matter to the rich and full life I've had since the early seventies. But I do wonder whether any of the Canaans even remember me and my two years of devotion to their family.
The second one kind of grabbed me this past week. After graduation from high school in 1971, I moved back to Maryland and before long was working in the Display Department of the Montgomery Ward store in Glen Burnie. I lived near a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant called "Leo's Sub Stop," where I became friendly with Leo and the whole Canaan family. I was a big help to Leo, and when he bought a restaurant in Charmco, West Virginia, he always included me in his big plans for the place. He envisioned a hotel, a putt putt course, an arcade, a gift shop...But things got off track between us, we had a falling out, and that was the end of that. Recently I've been looking up Canaans, trying to find out whatever happened to Leo, Norma, Paula, Danny, Donna, Mary and David. I haven't learned much, but it appears that Leo's extravagant plans never came to fruition, at least not the Disneyesque venture he had drawn on the napkins of Leo's Sub Stop.
So perhaps I would have stuck with my family away from family for some time, and perhaps not. All I can say with certainty is that it doesn't matter to the rich and full life I've had since the early seventies. But I do wonder whether any of the Canaans even remember me and my two years of devotion to their family.
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